


Come The Spring

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, No Slash, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-16
Updated: 2003-11-16
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: After two years of absence Justin returns to Pittsburgh and finds a Brian who has changed drastically.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

"Can I? Mommy, can I go?" The almost seven year old Gus stared up at his mother, his hazel eyes wide and pleading. 

"Don't worry, Lindsay," a young brunette woman was standing in the doorway,   
holding the hand of a girl around the same age. "I'll bring them back safe and   
sound."

"Moooomy!?"

Lindsay sighed, before looking at Linda Gulbrandson, the mother of one of Gus'   
classmates. "If you really are sure. Two of them are a lot. In fact, Gus on his   
own is a handful already." Affectionately she stroked her son's head. His face   
turned into a frown and he tried to evade her touch. Not that he generally   
disliked being touched. But in front of strangers … and girls … it was simply too   
embarrassing. 

"Okay," the blonde conceded finally, trying to be heard over the whooping of the   
kids. "But only until six. Behave and ...," the door slammed shut, and Lindsay sighed, “and don’t slam the door” She made a face at Linda. "If there's any trouble-"

"There won't be," the brunette replied with a smile. "Besides, I'm used to it. Karen   
isn't an angel either." With a wave of her hand she followed the children. 

Lindsay watched them as they climbed into the car, and drove off, suppressing the   
feeling of loneliness she felt whenever Gus left the house without her. She should be used to it by now, she thought with an inward chuckle. At least once a week Brian would take his son somewhere. But it was probably a mom-thing. Or maybe she was simply getting old. Too bad she was a lesbian – if she was straight she would probably have a house full of kids and not focusing all her attention on Gus. 

Shaking her head over her own foolishness, Lindsay made her way back towards the   
kitchen, when the phone rang. Expecting Mel to be on the other end, she was   
surprised to hear Brian's voice. 

"It's me."

"Hey, if that isn't the guy whose son just left for the zoo." 

"Sonny Boy's gone?" 

"Yeah, he is. He went with one of his classmates and her mother." She giggled,   
knowing the effect her next words would have on him. "I think he's sweet on the   
girl."

"Fuck," Brian exclaimed right as she had expected. "It's your fault. All those   
pussies around him - he never had a chance other than to be straight." She heard him chuckle, "On the other hand, I remember having had a crush on Vivien Darby when I was five. And look at me now."

"You mean there's still hope?" Lindsay replied with a grin. "So, is there a   
reason you called? Because I'd really like to chat with you, but I'm kind of busy   
right now." She looked through the open door into the kitchen where she had   
emptied several cupboards to clean them. She hated the work, but someone had to   
do it now and then. 

"Actually, there is. My son's birthday's coming up, and I was wondering if you're   
planning a party or something."

"Don't tell me you're already looking forward to it," she joked half-heartedly at the mention of a party.

"Like hell," he said on a tortured sigh. "But I have a feeling Gus wouldn't take   
it too kindly if I was missing. So hit me already. Did you plan anything?"

 

Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, Lindsey rubbed the back of her neck, “Uh ... yeah ... actually ... we did plan ... kind of a thing.”

 

“Kind of a thing?” Brian’s voice turned suspicious. 

 

“Yeah. He’s turning seven after all. And he ... had a long list of guests.” God, please, she prayed inwardly, don’t let him ask. 

 

Fortunately, Brian seemed content with her answer, “Well, I suppose I’ll live. Just tell me what you want me to do.”

 

*****

 

Replacing the receiver on the cradle, Brian closed his eyes for a moment, swirling around in his chair. Fuck. He hated parties. They always reminded him of his own when he was still a kid and not one of the memories was pleasant. But Gus wanted a party and so he would have one. His son would have better memories; he’d make sure of it. 

 

Brian wasn’t sure why, but Lindsay had sounded a little strange when he’d asked her about the party. Was she afraid he’d blow it? That hurt a little. Hadn’t he shown over the years that he was someone they could count on? Hell, Justin would be proud of him, if he were able to see how much Brian had changed. 

 

Now at almost 36 – and he didn’t even wince at the thought – he had everything a man could wish for. A good job, a more than comfortable income, a great kid ... there was only one thing missing ... 

 

Brian frowned at the thought, wondering where the maudlin mood had come from all of a sudden. He hadn’t thought about Justin – for at least five minutes. Damn, the kid – at 24 now not a kid anymore – still went straight through his defenses. Even though he’d left Pittsburgh over two years ago, right after graduating from art school. 

 

To see the world, the blonde had announced, to finally grow up. Brian still remembered the big grin on Justin’s face when he’d shown the flight ticket to Rome to his friends. Brian had been sitting in a corner, saying nothing, pretending not to be interested at all, while inside it felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest.

 

It was ridiculous really, because he and Justin hadn’t been an item for a while. Not that they had ever been an item in the first place, but they hadn’t had sex for years, even though the fiddler had finally left the picture. Brian sniggered at the thought. Not such a great guy after all, the ‘wonderful’ Ethan. He had left the Pitts and Justin only a few months after their affair had become public. Not a glance back, not a letter – from what Michael had told him, having had his information from the best source there was – his mother.

 

After sulking around for a while, Justin had focused all his energy on school, and had graduated as the best in his class. Brian had thought he would burst with pride, he’d even bought a graduation present, but had then decided not to go, the present still sitting in the back corner of his closet. He hadn’t touched it. Hadn’t even looked at it since then. 

 

Opening his eyes again, and rubbing his palm over his face, Brian stared out of the window at the overcast sky, the same sky he’d seen since he was a kid. 

 

God, he was a sorry case, still thinking about a blond trick he couldn’t seem to get out of his mind. Brian Kinney, hottest stud of Liberty Avenue – they would all have a good laugh if they’d knew. Not that he was still the hottest stud. There were others now, younger, and more eager to prove themselves, but he could still go into Babylon and leave with the guy he set his eyes on. 

 

Which didn’t happen all too often anymore. 

 

Brian liked to blame it on his workload, but the truth was, he’d lost the taste for it somehow. Or maybe he was just getting old. 

 

He chuckled at that, bitterly, knowing quite well that getting old or losing the taste had nothing to do with it. No, it was more likely that he finally understood what a fool he’d been.

 

Mouthing a curse into the emptiness of his office, stretching out his arms, he thought about the idiot he’d been all those years ago. A damned idiot to turn away from the only real love he’d ever known. And Justin *had* loved him, he knew that now, when it was too late. 

 

Justin wouldn’t have stayed with him, wouldn’t have put up with him if not out of love. All the sweetness, all the hidden fire – Brian had seen them first. He had been the first man to watch Justin’s eyes glitter with the fire of passion under his caresses, the first man to hear the wild, sweet moans he made in his throat when Brian’s hands found places never explored before, the first man to feel his body slide into Justin’s. 

 

God, the boy had been so afraid underneath all his bravado, but Justin had been ready for him. When the blond had climaxed that first time – the first time Brian had been inside – the tiny convulsions that pulsed through the young body had driven Brian into a frenzy that had exploded in a savage, almost unbearable pleasure. 

 

He should have known then. But he’d been a fool. God, what a fool.

 

Sex had never been that good for him since. He knew now that it never would be. With other men, he’d had sex for the physical release, to prove himself, to ... whatever he needed it for. But with Justin, he’d crossed some kind of line inside himself, some kind of private barrier that made him want to give more than a rational man should give any other.

 

It wasn’t love he’d felt for Justin. As a child, he’d learned that love wasn’t an emotion that was safe to feel, and he’d never changed his mind. But with Justin, sex was more than simple physical release. Raw need came closest to describing it, a primitive, gut-deep ache of one man for another that had never gone away.

 

Being with Justin had settled him in some quiet way deep inside himself, and yet, at the same time, Justin had made him feel more alive, more like a man, than the roughest sex with any trick could do. With Justin at his side, Brian was willing to ... what?

 

“Damn, I need some air,” Brian muttered, standing up and leaving his office with a look at Cynthia. “I won’t be back today. Cancel my appointments.” 

 

She simply raised a brow and nodded, having gotten used to his shifts in mood a long time ago. “Will do. Have a nice evening.”

 

“Yeah. Thanks,” he tossed over his shoulder, already stepping into the elevator. 

 

God, he needed air. And maybe a workout. 

 

And maybe he could find a trick at Babylon tonight. It was too long since he’d been there anyway.

 

*****

 

“Justin, honey, here!”

 

Jennifer Taylor lifted her hand over her head, waving through the window of the airport, trying to get the attention of her son who was coming towards her, backpack over his shoulder, and a huge grin on his face. 

 

“Mom,” he dropped his baggage and wrapped his arms around her. 

 

“Oh, honey. It’s so good to have you home again.” Blinking away a few tears, Jennifer smiled. “You have changed so much. Let me look at you.” She stepped back, letting her eyes sweep over him. He was clad in jeans and a white shirt, so much the boy she remembered, and yet a whole new man. “Oh, honey,” she said again. “You’re ... all grown up.”

 

He laughed at that, “Yeah. I think I am.” Getting his luggage once again, he kept one arm wrapped around her shoulders when they made their way towards the exit. “I had wonderful years in Europe. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen.” He grinned wickedly, “Or the guys I’ve-“

 

She stopped him with one of her patented mom-looks, “No. Thank you, but I’d rather not hear that.”

 

He laughed again, joyous, full of life, and Jennifer wanted to burst with happiness. “No, but seriously mom, it was great. There is so much I have to tell you. All of you.”

 

She looked at her son for a moment, and then took a deep breath, “Lindsay called this morning.”

 

Justin’s head came around with a snap, “Lindsay?” 

 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “It seems Gus has you on the list of guests for his birthday party next weekend.” Her face was solemn when she added, “He expects you to come.”

 

Her son gave her a reassuring smile, “That’s okay, mom. I expected as much. You know I kept in contact with Linds while I was abroad. Don’t worry,” he laughed, “I can handle it now.”

 

Jennifer watched him walk towards the car, then open the back and throw his backpack inside. Justin thought he could handle it now, but she wasn’t so sure. She hadn’t seen Brian Kinney for years and she was glad. His name wasn’t attached to a lot of happy memories in her life. But Jennifer also knew Justin. True, he’d been away, had grown up, seen a lot of the world. He was older now and, she hoped, wiser. But Jennifer was also one hundred percent sure that Justin would never be completely immune to Brian Kinney.


	2. Come The Spring

“But Mom,” Molly Taylor, all five foot two of righteous indignation, hands braced at her hips, stared at her mother.“ Jenny Gallagher has them, and –“

 

“Enough!” With unfamiliar firmness Jennifer stopped her daughter in mid-sentence, telling her with a stern look that for her the subject was definitely closed. 

 

“But-“ Molly tried to protest again.

 

“I said enough!” Her mother sighed and shook her head, “Jenny Gallagher is a spoiled, superficial girl. And I don’t want you to take her as a role model.” Then muttering underneath her breath, she added, “You’re already bad enough the way it is.”

 

Shooting the older woman a glare, Molly finally remembered the presence of the third person in the condo. “Justin-“

 

Her brother instantly raised both of his hands, “Leave me out of this, Moll. I’m not really up to date about fashion anyway. Besides, I’m not a girl.”

 

“But you’re gay,” she argued, a sullen look appearing on her pretty face. “That should count for something. I mean don’t they always say on TV that nobody has a better taste for clothes and stuff than gay men? Plus, you’re an artist.” 

 

“Well, thanks – I think,” Justin replied, with more than a little sarcasm. 

 

“Discussion is over, Molly,” Jennifer interrupted. “You are not going to get 300 dollar shoes.”

 

“Fine,” the teenager pouted, “but it’ll be your fault if they look down on me at school. These,” she stuck out her leg, indicating the black Doc Martens’ she was wearing, “are so out.”

 

“I think you’ll survive,” her mother said, her voice lacking compassion, “And I don’t want to hear any more of this. You’re even worse than your brother was.”

 

“Hey,” Justin exclaimed. “I wasn’t that bad.”

 

“You were,” his mother grinned, “but she’s definitely worse. And it’s not important anyway.” She turned back to her daughter, “Justin’s finally home after two years. Don’t you want to hear about his trip to Europe?” She smiled at her son, “You were just telling us about Rome.”

 

Justin’s face lit up, “Rome,” he breathed on a happy sigh, “is fantastic. You wouldn’t believe the amount of art there. Did you know that it’s the city with the most churches in the world? And the Vatican Museum – it’s incredible.”

 

“I can see that,” Jennifer remarked with a pointed look at her son’s beaming face. 

 

“And did you meet any guys?” Molly wanted to know ignoring her mother’s scolding expression at the change of subject.

 

Winking at his little sister, Justin said, “Yeah. I did. There was Angelo. A boy with the body of a god. And Paulo. Frederico. Francesco.” He sighed, then laughed when his mother hit him slightly, “Oh, and let’s not forget Romaine. I met him in France and he was-“

 

“Oh, stop,” Jennifer was laughing almost as much as her son now. “I will never believe you … you know. He’s just teasing us, honey,” she told her daughter.

 

“He is?” Molly’s right brow shot up. “In school they say that gay men think about sex every thirty seconds.”

 

Choking on a laugh, Jennifer stared at her daughter for a moment, then shook her head, “God, I almost forgot how it was being fourteen and full of raging hormones.”

 

“I didn’t,” her son remarked and grinned when she gave him a look. He shrugged, “Well, I didn’t. Besides I’m not that old.”

 

“And I’m going to be fifteen in a few months.”

 

“Don’t remind me,” Jennifer said on a groan. “So, Justin. You were talking about the Vatican Museum. I’m sure you loved the paintings.”

 

“See, I told you,” Molly protested, her eyes on her brother. “That’s what she’s does all the time. God, you’d think with a queer for a son she would be more open minded about sex. But she’s almost as bad as Dad.”

 

A moment of strained silence followed the mentioning of Craig Taylor, then Jennifer coughed, “So,” she forced a smile on her lips, “Have you decided what to do – now that you’re back?”

 

Looking down into his glass of wine, Justin swirled the contents around, “Does he ever ask?”

 

There was a sadness in his voice that tore Jennifer’s heart. God, she wanted to hurt Craig in the worst way. She attempted to touch her son, but drew her hand away again. It wouldn’t help anyway. “He … your father is …”

 

“He still can’t accept it, huh?” Justin looked up, his eyes reminding her a lot of the kid he’d once been. Oh, how she wished she could just take him in her arms and make it better. 

 

“He asked when you were coming back,” Molly announced suddenly. When her brother and her mother gazed at her, she shrugged, “Well, he did. Last weekend when I was with him and,” she grimaced, “Diane.” She drew out the name, making it sound as if it was something disgusting, something you wouldn’t want to touch.

 

“Diane?” Justin raised a brow.

 

“His new girlfriend,” the teenager replied with a roll of her eyes. “She talks about clothes all the time. And she’s barely older than I am.”

 

“She’s twenty-five,” Jennifer added, hating the little tug in her stomach. Her life with Craig was over. She’d accepted it, was over it by now. Still, it hurt to see her ex-husband with a woman who was young enough to be her daughter.

 

“Diane, huh?” Justin took another sip from his wine, inwardly trying to digest the news. And his father was calling him queer. A twenty-five year old girlfriend. How odd was that for a change? True, his father probably wasn’t the only middle-aged man with a girlfriend young enough to be his daughter, but Justin could also see the hurt in his mother’s eyes – that alone was enough for him to loathe the man he’d once admired beyond any other.

 

“Alright,” Jennifer gave her son’s knee a quick squeeze. “I’m too lazy to cook tonight. How about we order in – or even better, how about we go out for dinner?”

 

“Sure,” he nodded, glad the hurt look was gone from her eyes. “And then I’m probably going to sleep for 24 hours straight. I’m already feeling the jet-lag.”

 

His mother grinned at that, squeezing his knee again, “It means you’re getting old, dear son.”

 

He chuckled at that, his thoughts involuntarily wandering to another, who’d been afraid to get older. He’d be 35 soon. Justin wondered how he’d go about it. Would he go out fucking each bottom in sight again? Or had he – finally – grown up? Not that Justin expected Brian to. It seemed to the younger man that a part of Brian Kinney would stay immature forever. It was almost as if the older man had once made a wish and refused to become an adult. 

 

“… where we are going.”

 

Justin’s head came up with a snap, “What?” He stared at his mother, his thoughts still on a certain brunette he’d never been quite able to forget. With all the guys he’d met during his trip – and there had been some remarkable ones – none of them had come close to his first, to the man who still managed to haunt his dreams. 

 

“I wanted to know what kind of food you prefer? Italian?”

 

He saw his mother look at him expectantly, and forced thoughts of Brian aside. “I had Italian for more than six months now. And I mean the real thing. I think I’d like Chinese for a change.”

 

Ignoring Molly’s suffering sigh, Jennifer smiled down at him, “Chinese it is. I think we could go to Wang’s place. It’s a new restaurant I discovered recently.”

 

“Fine,” Justin got up and smiled at his mother. “I’m just going to use the bathroom for a moment and then we can go.” 

 

“Alright, honey,” she told him, watching him go, her heart heavy. She knew that look in his eyes, had seen it before. And there was nothing she could do. But one thing she knew for certain. If Brian Kinney was going to hurt her son again, she would kill him for sure this time. And she wouldn’t be sorry for a moment.

 

*

 

Justin saw him the moment they stepped into the restaurant. He was sitting in the left corner with another guy, his back to them. It had been two years since he’d seen him, and yet the blonde knew. 

 

“Can I show you to your table?”

 

The pretty Chinese waitress, dressed in a green robe, smiled at Justin, Molly and their mother. 

 

“Yes,” Jennifer nodded, walking behind her, expecting her children to follow. 

 

But Justin couldn’t move. He was rooted in place at the sight of him. Or rather of his back. The man hadn’t even turned, didn’t know the blond was there at all, and the younger man felt as if he’d been sucker punched. Brian – or what he could see of the older man – still looked the way he remembered. Tall, slim, fit, with an air of dominance around him that Justin had never felt in another. 

 

As if it were yesterday, Justin remembered the night before he had left the country. For all his smiles and bravado in showing off his tickets, he’d felt the urge to see Brian one last time, not quite knowing why, but driven toward the older man’s place by a force he couldn’t name. All Justin knew was that he had to see Brian. 

 

And so he’d gone there, fully expecting to find Brian with some stranger sucking him off, but surprisingly, the older man had been on his own, holding a bottle of beer when he’d opened the door. One of his brows had gone up.

 

“Justin?” There had been a question in Brian’s voice and a slight smirk on his lips when he’d stepped back and let the younger man in. Brian had watched the blond for a moment before saying, “I thought you’d be packing.”

 

“All done,” the younger man had replied. 

 

Taking it in without the slightest emotion crossing his face, Brian had walked to the counter, placing the bottle on it. “So,” he’d said, “what brings you here?”

 

The blond had shrugged, “Beats me. Wanted to see you, I guess.”

 

And he had. Wanted to see Brian. But he had also wanted Brian to stop him. To beg him to stay, knowing quite well that it was never going to happen. There was no reason the older man should. They weren’t a couple anymore – had never been, if he was completely honest with himself. But after Ethan, after all that had happened, Brian had kept his distance, hadn’t even been up for a casual fuck now and then. 

 

It had hurt. But having had learned from the best, Justin had covered it up and shown a happy face to his friends. 

 

Their physical connection gone, their friendship never having gotten a chance to develop, he and Brian had drifted apart, only meeting sometimes at Michael’s shop or at Deb’s or whenever their friends came together. This, Justin had realized, while he’d let his eyes sweep around the loft, was actually the first time they had been alone together since that fateful night at the Rage party when he’d walked out on Brian with Ethan.

 

“See me?” There was a trace of humor in Brian’s voice, but Justin had no problem detecting the steel underneath. “You could’ve seen me any other day. You even did, from time to time. Why tonight?”

 

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Justin had replied, and turned to look at the older man, into the hazel eyes he knew he’d never be able to forget. Taking a step towards Brian, he’d started to say, “I-“

 

Only to be cut off by Brian’s mouth suddenly slanting over his, kissing him hard, the older man’s arms coming around him, pulling him close in a way that took Justin’s breath away. Completely surprised and overwhelmed by the unexpected attack, Justin hadn’t had a chance to resist – not that he’d really wanted to – and they’d made wild and almost desperate love on the large bed underneath the blue lights, fucking like animals in heat. 

 

For a moment afterwards – one blissful, glorious moment – Justin had been happy, had given in to the fantasy that this would solve everything, that from now on he and Brian would have their happily ever after. But that was before Brian had turned and looked at him, his eyes unreadable. 

 

“What are you going to do in Europe? Spend your time looking at paintings of dead artists?”

 

Justin had decided to ignore the sarcasm in the older man’s voice, too happy to be finally where he’d longed to be for so long. “I think it’s fascinating to see what they created. That the past is still part of the present. That it endures. Like some people do.”

 

Brian had given a deprecating snort, but Justin could think of a handful right off the top of his head. His family for one, well, his mother and Molly, Deb, Vic, his other friends. Daphne. He believed in people, while Brian didn’t. Something trembled inside him as he had a sudden realization how very, very different they were.

 

Brian’s face had hardened at that, “Don’t try to tell me you’re one of them,” he’d said tightly. “I won’t buy it. You’re not that strong.”

 

Justin had felt himself stiffen, “You don’t have any way of knowing that.”

 

“Sure I do,” the older man had returned lightly, “You’ve already failed in one relationship after – what – a few months.”

 

That had hurt. Because it meant that Brian had never considered he and Justin as a relationship. Just Justin and Ethan. The truth of it had been like a slap in the face, and he answered without thought, “I didn’t love him.”

 

He knew it as soon as he’d said it, though it had never consciously occurred to him before then. It had shaken him, and he’d hugged himself like a wounded animal that needed to slink off to some dark corner to examine its wounds. But Brian wouldn’t allow him that. In the blue light of the bedroom it was finally the moment of truth, and Justin had wondered where it would take them.

 

“You didn’t love him?” Brian said, his voice completely bare of emotion, but Justin could feel the older man’s eyes watching, probing. “Now there’s character.”

 

Suddenly he’d felt angry, defensive, “Do you think I knew it at the time and was with him anyway?”

 

“So he wasn’t Prince Charming after all, the wonderful Ethan?”

 

“I was nineteen,” Justin had snapped. “He was offering me something I desperately wanted. He … wanted me. Just me. No … tricks, no others. I was enough for him.”

 

“Not for long,” Brian had drawled. “In the end, his career was still more important, I guess.”

 

Justin remembered shrugging at that. There was no denying the truth. In the end the music had won. The problem was over the long haul, he hadn’t really missed Ethan, and had realized that the fiddler had been nothing but an escape, his way of showing Brian that there was something else, something better, more beautiful. 

 

“He was the wrong guy,” he’d told Brian after a short silence. “I know that now.”

 

“The sex wasn’t that good?” Brian had queried cruelly.

 

Justin had flinched but then forced himself to meet the other man’s eyes, “No. I’ve never had better sex than with you.”

 

Brian had looked at him for a long moment before getting up with a sigh, turning his back to Justin, “Well, I have. I’ve had it with the best of them and that wears thin, too, Sunshine. It’s just not enough over the long haul.”

 

All Justin remembered after that was that he’d left the bed, picked up his clothes, and left the loft, going to the next corner and throwing up. The next day he’d been on the plane, hoping that time and distance would finally help to return his sanity.

 

“Honey?”

 

His mother’s voice jerked him back to the presence and blinking he tried to focus on her face. “I’m sorry, what?”

 

“Honey, you’ve been standing here like a statue for a whole five minutes. Is everything alright? You were mentioning jet-lag before. Would you rather return to the apartment?”

 

He saw the concern in her eyes and slowly shook his head, “No, mom. I’m fine. I was just … far away for a moment.”

 

She smiled at that, “I know. It’s hard to believe you’re back in Pittsburgh after what you’ve seen.”

 

“Yeah,” he forced a smile on his lips, “yeah. It’s a little … overwhelming.”

 

“You’ll see,” she took his arm, pulled him with her. “After a few days you’ll fit right back in.”

 

Giving Jennifer another smile, Justin followed her to their table where Molly was waiting already. In passing he cast another glance at the table in the back corner, only to find out that Brian had left. 

 

Feeling the tension slowly drain from him, the blond sunk into his chair and concentrated on the menu, knowing that time and distance hadn’t helped at all. After two years he was still as vulnerable as he’d ever been where Brian Kinney was concerned.


	3. Come The Spring

Slamming the door of his loft shut behind him, Brian paused for a moment and leaned against it, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. Just do it, he ordered himself, trying to get his heart to slow down, and the pounding in his ears to settle. In and out. In and out.

 

Once. Twice. 

 

And for a third time. 

 

But the clenching in his gut just wouldn’t let loose, the pounding in his ears simply moved to his temples, causing a severe headache to start. And that even though he’d stayed with soda tonight, and hadn’t taken drugs for almost two years now. 

 

All that because of him.

 

Fuck! Of all people in the universe – why did it have to be Justin Taylor walking into the restaurant? Young. Probably well rested from his trip to Europe. Tanned. Beautiful. God, the boy was still so beautiful it took Brian’s breath away. No, not a boy anymore. He had done some growing while he was gone. Had filled out – in all the right places – and had returned a man. A man who had drawn all the eyes in the restaurant the moment he’d walked in. Much the same way it had been when he’d still been working at the diner. Brian knew that all the guys had had a hard on just from looking at the young, sexy waiter. It hadn’t been any different for Brian. 

 

And it sure as hell hadn’t changed, he thought with a wry look at his still bulging arousal that fortunately had been hidden under his jacket. Garreth Hawkins, ‘Hawk’ to his friends, might even have enjoyed the sight, but Brian wasn’t attracted to the older client, and didn’t want to give the man any ideas. Mixing business with pleasure was never a good thing. Brian had learned his lesson. Besides, being well beyond his fifties, and already showing a bulging stomach, fucking the guy certainly wasn’t part of Brian’s wish list. Not that he couldn’t use a good fuck. It had been too long anyway, but ‘Hawk’ certainly did nothing to arouse any sexual fantasies. 

 

Not like a certain someone could.

 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

 

So Justin was back – after two years of absence. And only God knew how many lovers. Not that he was interested. In any way. But what hurt was that nobody had told him. At least some of his friends must have known. 

 

Jennifer. Okay, so Justin’s mom wasn’t actually one of his friends. Truth to be told she was one of the people who would certainly live a lot better if she never saw Brian Kinney again. But Deb. Brian was sure Deb knew. And Lindsay. Frowning in the darkness, he thought back to their telephone conversation this afternoon, and he now realized there had been a nervous tinge in her voice, as if she was desperately trying to avoid a certain subject. It had started the moment Brian had mentioned Gus’ birthday party. 

 

Of course. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! That had to mean Justin was invited. Fuck, what were they thinking? Was this their idea of a private joke? Surprising him with Justin’s presence at his son’s birthday party? 

 

Pushing himself off of the door, Brian flipped on the light and walked to the fridge, opening it, his eyes scanning the contents. Bottled water. Juice. Some milk. He remembered a time when there had been other things. Like chocolate. Or cookies. 

 

He slammed the door shut, annoyed at his thoughts, irritated with the whole situation. Angry with his friends, and Lindsay in particular. Damn them. Damn them all to hell! 

 

Did they really think he was so anxious to see Justin again? Did they think he was so pathetic he’d been pining away for the blonde for two whole years? No way. True, he’d been cutting down on tricks, but work had been demanding the last two years. And yeah, he’d stopped partying so much, but there was Gus growing up and staying with him one or two nights a week. All rational explanations. No need to get Justin into this. No need at all.

 

Shrugging out of his jacket, Brian walked to the other side of the loft and grabbed the phone. Glancing at the clock and realizing that it was only ten o’clock, he dialed the familiar number. “It’s me,” he said as soon as his best friend picked up.

 

“Brian,” Michael’s voice sounded through the line. It wasn’t as cheery as usual. 

 

Instantly Brian became suspicious. “Did you know?” 

 

Silence. 

 

Then, “Brian, you’ve got to understand-“

 

Fuck him. “Understand, what?”

 

“Why we didn’t tell you,” Mikey replied, his voice turning defensive. “We all know how he hurt you. We didn’t want to raise painful memories by telling-“

 

“Who knows?” We. The one word was coursing through Brian’s head.

 

Silence again.

 

“Come on, Mikey. I already saw him tonight. So, who knows?”

 

“You did?” Brian could hear the hint of panic when Michael’s voice rose a notch. “Ah … oh. No, Ben, I’m fine. Sorry, uh … where were we … yes, who knows? I think aside from Ted … they all do.”

 

“Great. Just fucking great. And what did you plan to do, surprise me at Gus’ party? How thoughtful.” Brian did nothing to hide his anger. They all had known. Ted didn’t count. He never did. He might have made millions with his porn films, but he was still Ted Schmidt, loser extraordinaire. All had known … all except Brian. Thanks so very much. Didn’t it just show again what wonderful friends he had?

 

“At Gus’… oh my God,” Michael exclaimed, “I didn’t know that. You’ve gotta believe me, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have. Brian … honest … never.” 

 

“Fine.” Brian slammed the phone back on the receiver, ignoring it when it rang again. He was in no mood to listen to Michael’s whining tonight. To his assurances of friendship. He didn’t give a damn. Not tonight – not when just the glimpse of a blond head had once again turned his world upside down.

 

***

 

“Michael Charles Novotny, what are you doing here? Don’t tell me you had a fight with Ben.”

 

Michael rolled his eyes at his mother, then slipped onto one of the barstools, propping his elbows on the counter, resting his chin on his entwined hands. “Why do you think I had a fight with Ben?”

 

“Because if everything was fine, you’d be getting your brains fucked out at this time of the day, instead of hanging out at the diner in the middle of the night.”

 

“Mom!” Her son quickly glanced around, praying nobody had heard her comment. As much as he loved her, sometimes he wanted to die on the spot. But fortunately the few other customers seemed too busy with each other, and not paying attention to what was happening around them. Or so Michael hoped.

 

“Well, it’s true. You’re a young man. Ben is to die for. So why are you here and not with him?” She placed her hands on her hips, waiting for him to answer. 

 

“Because,” Michael replied on a long sigh, “Brian knows.”

 

“This is about Brian?” she exclaimed throwing her hands in the air. “God, I can’t believe this. And what do you mean, Brian knows? What does Brian know?”

 

Her son sighed again, folding his arms and laying his cheek upon them, his upper body slumped over the counter. “Brian saw Justin tonight.”

 

Instantly Debbie’s attitude changed from annoyed to concerned. “Oh,” was all she said and the uncharacteristic quiet told Michael everything he needed to know. But then she got back on track and added, “Oh well, he’d have found out sooner or later, so it’s not really a problem.”

 

“No. The problem is that Brian, being his old smart self, instantly figured out that we all knew before him. And that nobody bothered to share the news. He hung up on me. Not in his usual way. Usually he says something hurtful. But not tonight. He just said “fine” and hung up.” Taking a deep breath, he looked up at his mother. “He’s really hurt.”

 

She laughed, “Brian isn’t hurt, honey. He’s as tough as they come. Besides, he shouldn’t be surprised we didn’t tell him. He and Justin haven’t been an item for years, and if you listen to him they never were. So, I’d say we did nothing wrong by not telling him.”

 

Only, they had. And Debbie knew it. The guilt was clearly written on her face. Michael knew his mother far too well not to see the way her eyes had darkened, or how she nervously wiped her hands on her trousers. 

 

“He isn’t as tough as we all think. Did I ever tell you about the time when he celebrated his thirtieth birthday – all on his own?” He laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “I walked into his loft only to find him dangling from the ceiling, his white scarf around his neck. He told me he was trying to have the best fucking orgasm.” He shook his head, “He’d never been into scarfing. He tried to kill himself, or maybe he didn’t, but I’m sure the thought entered his head, because when I told him he might have killed himself, all he said was ‘that’s not the worst that could happen.’”

 

“Oh, honey.” Tears had sprung into Deb’s eyes, and a trembling hand was covering her mouth. 

 

“Yeah.” He blew out a long breath, feeling sick thinking about that certain night. He would never forget the sight of Brian standing on a chair, completely naked, the scarf around his neck. Michael shuddered; even five years later it made him want to scream. “It had nothing to do with Justin, or maybe it had – who knows? It’s not really important, anyway. But the fact is that … he isn’t as tough as we think. Especially not where Justin is concerned. I’m not sure he loved the boy, but I’d bet the first edition of Captain Astro that he cared a lot more than we all knew. And that includes Justin Taylor.”

 

His mother looked at him for a long moment and suddenly Michael found himself in a tight hug. “Then we’ll help him through it. Brian might be an ass sometimes, but … I love him.” She pulled back, her eyes locking with those of her son, “And you love him. That has to count for something.”

 

“Something, yeah. I just think … Ben said that I was dramatizing this.” He sighed, “That’s why I needed to talk to you. Do you think I am?” 

 

“You’re his friend. And that you feel like this only shows what a good one you are. He should be glad to have you.”

 

He wasn’t sure of that anymore. Had he really been such a good friend? Wouldn’t a good friend have tried to let Brian and Justin deal with their problems instead of causing new ones? When he’d told Brian about Justin seeing Ethan, he’d been sure it was for the best. Justin was cheating on Brian, and as a best friend it was his job to open the other man’s eyes. Or was it? He hadn’t before, but tonight he wondered if he’d really been so full of good intentions as he had wanted to believe. 

 

But discussing that with his mother was out of the question. She would probably never understand his self-doubts. “When did Justin arrive?” he asked instead.

 

“Today. Jennifer picked him up at the airport. Or so she told me. I didn’t actually talk to her afterwards. But after what you’ve told me, I think it’s a safe bet that he arrived safely.”

 

Michael nodded. Justin was back. Brian knew. 

 

But none of them could make a guess what would be the outcome of it. They could only pray it would be better than before. Because if not, he wasn’t sure Brian would make it through this time.


End file.
